My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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