The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
