i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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