I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
