Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
