Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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