3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
