It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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