Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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