I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
