I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
