I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
