go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
