Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
