I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
