if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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