Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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