There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
