Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
