my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
