Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
