Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
