People with herpes should wear stickers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
