ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
