My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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