i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
