everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
