i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
