I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
