He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
