I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
