I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
