is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
