I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
