; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
