Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he just fucked me for my cheese..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
