i don't like sucking hair
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
