We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
