we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
