I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
