I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
