I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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