So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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