Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
