did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
