Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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