I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
