I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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