Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
