Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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