You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
