I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
